The 7 Commandments To A Successful Marriage

Abu Taymiyyah · Marriage & Family · Jul 19, 2022

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My Notes

Key Takeaways

Actionable steps from this episode

  1. Your relationship with Allah shapes your marriage: disobedience — even starting married life with sin at the wedding itself — opens the door to discord, while sincere worship draws spouses closer to Allah and to each other.
  2. Be self-critical when things go wrong: rather than blaming your spouse first, ask whether a sin of yours might be behind the difficulty — following the example of the righteous predecessors who searched their own conduct before pointing fingers elsewhere.
  3. The grass is not greener on the other side: expect friction and adjustment in any marriage — no partner is perfect except in Jannah — and choose making dua and working through problems over repeatedly starting over with someone new.
  4. Don't let outside voices dictate your marriage: unqualified friends, nosy relatives, or a spouse's own emotional venting to a third party can distort a dispute — always hear both sides before forming a judgment, as the Prophet ﷺ taught.
  5. Stop comparing your marriage to others: what's shown online is a curated moment, not the full reality — many public "ideal" relationships have collapsed only after the struggles were hidden for years.
  6. Let go of past mistakes instead of scorekeeping: constantly reviving old grievances prevents any relationship from healing; overlook others' faults as you hope Allah overlooks yours.
  7. Practical advice for husbands: being kind to your wife isn't weakness, don't expect her to fund the household even if she's wealthy, and never resort to physical aggression — model the Prophet's ﷺ own gentleness and patience instead.
Episode Recap

Ustadh Abu Taymiyyah opens with an appeal for humanitarian relief before turning to seven practical principles for marriage, aimed at both married and single listeners. The first and most emphasized principle is that a person's relationship with Allah has a direct bearing on their marriage — illustrated through the "triangle" of husband, wife, and Allah, where obedience draws all three closer together and sin pulls them apart. He warns specifically against beginning a marriage with sin — free-mixing, music, and other violations at the wedding itself — arguing this effectively declares war on Allah at the very moment a person should be most grateful, and connects this to the Quranic principle that misfortune often follows disobedience. The antidote is being self-critical: following the example of scholars like Muhammad ibn Sirin, who searched their own conduct for the sin behind a hardship rather than blaming others first. The second principle challenges the instinct to see an easier alternative outside the marriage — the "grass is greener" mentality — stressing that every relationship requires adjustment and sacrifice, and that no spouse is perfect outside of Jannah. The third addresses outside interference: friends without relevant experience, or a spouse selectively venting to a third party, can distort perception of a dispute, so hearing both sides — as Islamic legal procedure requires of a judge — is essential before forming a judgment. The fourth principle warns against comparing one's marriage to others, especially curated portrayals on social media, noting that outwardly "ideal" couples have collapsed only after years of concealed struggle. The fifth calls for letting go of past mistakes rather than constant scorekeeping, since no relationship survives if every fault is revived indefinitely; the sixth is having good thoughts of one's spouse rather than assuming the worst; and the seventh is remembering the good times rather than letting a single argument erase years of positive history. The lecture closes with distinct, practical advice: for husbands, that kindness to a wife is not weakness, that a wife is never obligated to fund the household regardless of her wealth, and that physical aggression is never the answer to conflict — modelled on the Prophet's ﷺ own restraint and humor with his wives; and for wives, a single overriding piece of advice about guarding one's speech, given the weight the Quran and Sunnah place on gratitude and restraint in what is said to a husband.